DATELINE: Washington, D.C. “U.S. Secret Service agents found the [cocaine] during a routine White House sweep on Sunday, in a small, clear plastic bag on the ground in a heavily trafficked area.” Drugs in the WH are American culture. Willie Nelson got high on the WH roof. 1/5

The most uptight individuals to occupy the Oval Office were vehemently anti-pot. Nixon is on tape: “I want a [gd] strong statement on marijuana ... You know, it’s a funny thing, every one of the bastards that are out for legalizing marijuana is Jewish.” In the 1920s, coke was “in.” 2/5

Rather than stop everything to find out who dropped a baggie of toot in the West Wing, we need to look at photos of the trump kids, esp jr. Then we should ask what else went on at Epstein’s island. Did trump do some poppers? How about this: he (supposedly) can afford luxuries. 3/5

He could do HGH or Nuvigil or any of the “smart drugs.” He’d have better sleep (fewer late night raves on social media), be more regular (and make more room for flushing documents) & both reduce his gut and more lead in his pencil (but still not enough to see over his gut). 4/5

Willie Nelson got high in the White House and that’s as American as it gets. We should encourage some elected officials to partake. As NFL player John Riggins said to Justice Sandra Day O’Conner: “Loosen up, Sandy baby.” A lot of people should just chill. 5/5