May 22, 7:14 pm, EST, White House: In a series of posts on the social media platform he owns, the President has addressed the most recent concerns about what some say are his attempts to grab power and consolidate that power. 1/7

“I have a mandate from the America people from three landslide victories in 2016, 2020 and 2024. There were many, many concerns. Sleepy Joe Biden left our economy in shambles, prices were sky high and we were a LAUGHING STOCK stock in foreign affairs. 2/7

In a very, very short time I have turned OUR ECONOMY into the HOTTEST economy in the World. I have, w/exceptions, brought inflation to the lowest it’s ever been. Finally, our military was rusting and pathetic when I was sworn in. Now we’re Number One again. 3/7

Anyone who questions or criticizes the President commits treason. I’ve brought new meaning to the word ‘peace.’ I’m the only President to legitimately win the Nobel Peace Prize. It’s nice to receive recognition. I’ve ended eight wars. The Nobel Committee people called me. 4/7

I said what’s the point of ending these wars if I don’t get at least some kinda trophy. Maybe I won’t do that any more. But that doesn’t matter. I don’t focus on the past. Only losers do that. That’s why I’m glad to say construction of the ball room is almost complete. 5/7

So many people said to me that we need a ball room. IT WILL BE DONE in time for the great, great event in July, the celebration of the 250th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. We’ll have more updates as we get closer to that holy day.” 6/7

NOTE: This is a work of satire. It fictionalizes events as they transpire in the lead-up to July’s big holiday. 7/7