Attention! Do you love Hoosier history? Ever pine away for historical re-enactments where you could wear a costume that isn’t the same old gray thing of the side you backed in the Civil War!? We have the opportunity for which YOU have waited for so many decades! 1/10

That’s right! You can take part in a D.C. Stephenson Heritage Tour just in time for a GOP fund raiser at the end of the line! You’ll start your journey in Irvington, on Indy’s East side, out side the mansion where “Steve” [FN1] lived. Jump into a Cadillac [FN2] & ride to 2/10

downtown Indy & its Union Station. Did we mention your “date” will be a life-size mannequin! This “doll” isn’t some inflatable dummy. To emulate the “grand wizard” of Indiana’s Kluxers, you’ll have to bite your “date” over 200 times, and that’s even before 3/10

you reach Hammond and check into a hotel! They won’t let you into that Dec 2 fund raiser? So what!? Just like in 1925, unelected people, not the Governor, wield the real political power in Indiana in 2025. You’ll pass a drug store where your “doll” purchased 4/10

18 tablets of bichloride of mercury [FN3] to kill herself in shame over being ravished by you. In Irvington you can watch your driver toss the mannequin onto the front steps of her parents’ house and left to die. Order now and you’ll receive 5/10

a “klectokon”: a kluxer starter kit, just like Steve sold, complete w/robes, a hood & a booklet of mumbo-jumbo rituals. [FN4] Order now and you’ll also receive a file of 3" x 5" index cards with the name of an elected Hoosier politician that Steve “owned” on each. 6/10

Those were the good old days, when a god-fearing man (Just like you!) could claim to be the real victim in a sexual assault, and the actual victim wqould buy into it and blame herself. [FN5] But hey! Those good ol’ days might be returning sooner than some think! [FN6] 7/10

Footnotes:
FN1. The name D.C. Stephenson preferred to be called by his frien ... er, hired thugs.
FN2. Unfortunately, rail service isn’t like it was back in the day, so you’ll have to travel by automobile. 8/10

FN3. Bichloride of mercury and, unfortunately, no longer is so readily available.
FN4. Irving Leibowitz, “My Indiana,” (1964), pp. 192-93.
FN5. The pronoun is feminine because commies had not yet invented homosexuality. 9/10

FN6. This is a work of satire. As political expression, it is entitled to the greatest protections under the First & Fourteenth Amendments, New York Times v Sullivan, 376 U.S. 254 (1964), as if we still function under rule of law. 10/10