Today as you go to the poll to cast your ballot, remember that, at the same time, all bars and liquor stores are closed. I think this is a travesty. Intoxicated voters might improve the quality of elected officials.

   First, there would be little patience shown for the people outside the polling station. By law they must remain at least 50 feet from the "chute" to the polling place. "Chute" means front door. That's sure a much-enforced rule. Intoxicated voters, freed from their usual inhibitions, woud be more prone to tell these folks where to go. Hell typically is 50 feet beyond any chute in Marion County.

   Second, as our drunken voter steps up to the table to be screened by the election workers, a sense of humor could be injected into matters. Such as, "Is that my signature? Yep. Ever since they taught me signature alteration in the Witness Protection Program." Or a serious issue could be addressed, like, "Why do I need a photo ID? Oly 26 instances of voter fraud were disclosed in Wisconsin, out of three million votes cast, and those had nothing to do with faking someone else's identity." Of course, the words might come out a little slurred, but the point would be made.

   The crucial point would come when our inebriated citizen gazed down at the list of names and all those little empty circles. "I know that guy. He's the incumbent, right? Well, let him fork out money for the Pacers."

   A challenge could arise---and not by a worked at the polls. The challenge would be when our voted tried to fit the piece of paper (ballot) into the voting machine. Even then, the moment is ripe for humor. "Hey---doesn't this work just like a shredder? Is this like what they do in Ohio?"

   Overall, voters would be less prone to accept bullshit in candidates. Of course, when all, or nearly all, of the candidates on  a ballot are bullshit, there's not much one can do, sober or drunk. At the very least, one would not have to wait until 6 o'clock to bemoan the future. There are good candidates on today's Marion County ballot. There also are those of the bovine excremet variety. 

   Then again, some people plan ahead. The beer section at the CVS in Broad Ripple nearly was empty when I purchased a case of beer yesterday afternoon. People plan around elections. Some of those plans do not always have to do with how one casts one's vote.